I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
