she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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