Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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