Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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