Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
