Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
