There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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