a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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