I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
