we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
