That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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