you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Randomize
