help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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