ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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