last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I think I am morally bankrupt
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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