she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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