I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
