Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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