I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
