I think my fart just growled at me.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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