Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
