9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize