Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
