Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It's shark week go big or go home
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
