somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
