Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
