Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
