how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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