I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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