so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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