Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
