omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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