If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
