you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
