im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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