She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
