who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Randomize
