yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
