youre lurking in front of me
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
