There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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