im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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