I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
