I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
