I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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