just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Randomize
