Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Randomize
