And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
