didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
