I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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