look no pants
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
