Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
