If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
