I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
