I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
