hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
