On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
