Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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