I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
