Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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