alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
