I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
