Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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