Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
