he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
