You really coming over, don't trick.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
