Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
