Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
