Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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