If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
