i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
