you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
