You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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