I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize