i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
