the condom got lost in my hair
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
