Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
