i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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