I wish they made helmets for livers.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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