if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
her facebook's as public as her vagina
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize