what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
