So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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