Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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