is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
