dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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