I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
