You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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