I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
