he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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