i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
