I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
