matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
