I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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