Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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