Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
