Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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