is your mom at the bar?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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